I wish I could still feel that way. Now it just a ton of stress and pressure. The closer each holiday gets, the more anxious I feel. In my mind I can see the ticking countdown...like the ones that set off a bomb. It's a race to get it all done. There's the shopping, the cleaning, the planning, the phone calls, the gift buying, the cards, the cooking ... and I never feel like the list is completely checked off.
When did it turn from a countdown with excitement to a countdown with panic?
I don't know how to fix it. There's really no one to blame, although I wish I could pin it on someone. Maybe it's just part of being an adult. When I was a child I could enjoy the fruit of the adult's labor and now it's my turn. Is that it?
This year, I'm already starting to panic, but I'm also making an effort to identify the source of my stress and deal with it. Maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe I can cut back. Maybe I can pray for some (non- life threatening and non-painful) sickness to attack me and require isolation until January 2.
Since it's unlikely that any of that will happen, I need a new plan. I wish I could come up with something amazing that would help me and anyone else who shares in this type of holiday dread. Instead, all I can think is that we'll get through it. Someday, we could be old, alone, sitting in an assisted living and wishing we had all this busyness. We will actually miss this and wish we had enjoyed it more when we had the chance.
For now, there's always wine.